Mother’s Day is coming up in the U.S. And while for some, it’s a time of flowers, brunches, and warm memories, for many adult daughters, it can be deeply painful.

If that’s you, you’re not alone.

So many women have come to me and said they found me during a moment of intense struggle — tears still fresh, heart heavy — after typing this exact question into Google:

“How do I fix my relationship with my mother?”

But here’s the thing… underneath that question is often a much deeper, more painful one:

“What is wrong with ME that I can’t make this relationship work?”

If that hits you in the chest, I want you to pause for a moment and take a breath. You’re not broken. You’re not failing. You’re not doing anything wrong.

Let me say something that might be controversial, but that I believe with my whole heart:

You cannot “fix” your relationship with your mother. Period.

Here’s why:

1. Relationships require two people.

You were never meant to carry this alone. A relationship can’t be “fixed” by just one person. That’s way too much pressure, and it’s an unrealistic — and unfair — expectation to place on yourself.

2. You can only control your half of the dynamic.

You can set intentions. You can express your hopes. You can bring respectful communication and a desire for mutual understanding. You can develop deep self-awareness and act from a place of integrity.

But that’s where your power ends. The rest — how your mother responds, perceives, or participates — is completely outside your control.

3. Many adult daughters were conditioned to feel responsible for their mother’s emotions.

This isn’t your fault. Emotionally immature mothers often (consciously or not) place the burden of emotional caretaking onto their daughters — especially if the mother sees herself as a victim or stuck in her own life.

When this happens, daughters grow up feeling like it’s their job to keep the peace, to please, to fix, to make it work — no matter how much it costs them.

But the truth is:

Your mother’s ability (or inability) to meet you in a mutual, adult relationship is HER responsibility.

Here’s what you can’t control:

 

  • How your mother interprets your desire to improve the relationship.

  • Whether she’s done any reflection on her own family of origin.

  • Her willingness to see you as an equal adult — not just a role or extension of herself.

  • Whether she sees your boundaries or emotional needs as a threat.

  • Her patterns, wounds, insecurities, and beliefs — especially if she’s unconscious of them.

If your mother hasn’t individuated from her own upbringing, she may react to your desire for a deeper connection with defensiveness, guilt-tripping, or even hostility.

You might hear things like:

  • “I would never have spoken to my mother that way.”

  • “You don’t respect me.”

  • “I did my best — sorry it wasn’t good enough.”

  • “Can’t we just move on?”

And those reactions? They’re not about you. They’re about her lens — the one she developed long before you were born. That lens distorts her view of who you are and what you’re really asking for.

So where does that leave you?

 

It leaves you with a powerful, sacred path:

Healing the Mother Wound.

This means turning inward, gently but surely, and beginning to validate yourself — instead of seeking approval from someone who may not be capable of giving it.

It means:

  • Grieving your mother’s emotional limitations.

  • Releasing the fantasy that one day she’ll suddenly understand.

  • Acknowledging the sadness that she may never meet you with the love, empathy, or maturity you deserve.

  • Letting go of the silent compliance and people-pleasing that patriarchy has taught daughters to uphold.

Yes, it’s very sad. Heartbreaking actually. 

It’s sad she doesn’t want to grow. It’s sad she feels threatened by your desire for closeness. It’s sad that your feelings might feel inconvenient to her. It’s sad she may see you more as a role than a person.

And yet — within that grief lies the seed of your rebirth.

This is your portal. This is your path back to yourself.

You begin to mother yourself with compassion, attunement, and grace. You learn to self-soothe, to set boundaries, to claim your truth. You stop chasing approval, and start living from your own inner wisdom. You reclaim your power — the kind that doesn’t require sacrificing your wholeness in order to be loved.

Because here’s the truth:

You don’t have to choose between being loved and being empowered.

You can have both. But it starts with you.

Do you have the courage to do this potent, necessary inner work?

If you’re ready, I am here to support you!

This is not a quick fix. It’s a slow, steady reclamation. But you don’t have to do it alone.

From now until May 14th, I’m offering 20% off my premier course, Healing the Mother Wound, which has already supported thousands of women worldwide on this exact journey. Simply use the code MOTHER20 at checkout. 

This work will not erase the pain of your past. But it will help you integrate it. Transform it. Use it as fuel for growth, clarity, and powerful self-leadership.

The world doesn’t need more good girls. It needs whole women. Sovereign women. Women who know that love without boundaries is not love—and that true goodness requires the courage to protect what is sacred, starting with ourselves.

Are you ready to break the cycle? Then now is the time to start!

Use the code MOTHER20 at checkout to get this 20% discount which ends on May 14th.