Is Your Mother a “Mean Girl”?

It’s a taboo to admit—even to yourself—that your own mother may have acted like a “mean girl.” The shock of that truth often creates a quiet, gnawing shame. You might have thought, “If she’s treating me this way, there must be something wrong with me.”

Or maybe you recognized something toxic but went into survival mode: downplaying, minimizing, or flat-out denying her harmful behavior—because to fully acknowledge it might have felt like your world would collapse.

But here’s the sad and disturbing truth: Some mothers are, in fact, mean girls in disguise.

What Does a “Mean Girl” Mother Look Like?

These mothers often appear socially charming or even admired in public—but behind closed doors, they are manipulative, cruel, or emotionally unsafe to their daughters. Their behavior mirrors the classic “mean girl” dynamic: control, comparison, and emotional sabotage.

Here are 8 common traits of a “mean girl” mother:

  1. Jealousy: She views her daughter as competition, especially if the daughter is growing, glowing, or confident.
  2. Power Plays: She uses guilt, shame, and comparison to feel superior—especially when you’re vulnerable.
  3. Emotional Manipulation: She gets a “hit” of power by tearing you down, particularly if she’s struggling or in pain herself.
  4. Objectification: You’re not seen as a whole person with your own needs and views—you’re seen as “supply.”
  5. Triangulation: She pits you against siblings or others to remain the center of attention and control the narrative.
  6. Role Confusion: You may have been her therapist, best friend, scapegoat, or even surrogate spouse—none of which honor your role as her child.
  7. Bait-and-Switch Tactics: She may build you up only to break you down, often at your most open or joyful moments.
  8. Boundary Violations: She may feel entitled to your time, money, personal space, or reputation—without respect or reciprocity.

The Secret Shame of Daughters with Mean Mothers

Many adult daughters carry a silent, corrosive shame—not from anything they’ve done, but from the emotional burden their mothers refused to carry. It’s the shame of never feeling fully safe, seen, or loved. It may also feel like an embarrasment of how your mean girl mother may have shown up in public that left you feeling horrified and alone.

Healing the Mother Wound requires us to finally face this truth. We must allow ourselves to see the full magnitude of how her behavior impacted our lives—and that brings grief. Immense grief.

But grief is not the end. It’s the beginning of true freedom.

The Cost of Not Healing

When we avoid healing the Mother Wound, we often stay psychologically stuck—as if still that young girl craving approval, fearing rejection, and learning to betray herself just to stay “safe.” This self-abandonment becomes a way of life.

The cost of this can show up as:

  • Over-functioning and exhaustion
  • Fawning, people-pleasing, and allowing harmful relationships
  • Staying small or silent because it feels like “being good”
  • Ignoring red flags to avoid being alone or unloved
  • Feeling like you’re never enough—no matter what you achieve

This is not the life you were meant to live.

Healing and Reclaiming Your Power

As we heal the Mother Wound, we start to decouple our worth from our mother’s distortions.

We begin to see clearly:

  • What happened to us was not our fault
  • Our mother’s behavior came from her pain, not our inadequacy
  • We were innocent children—and deserved love, not punishment
  • Our value is intrinsic. It’s not something to be earned, and it can’t be taken away

Milestones on the healing journey include:

  • Compassion for your younger self and the pain you endured
  • Grieving what you never got, and what may never be
  • Letting go of the fantasy that you can make her see, change, or love you in the way you need
  • Standing firm in your own truth, even if it triggers her discontent
  • Reclaiming joy without guilt—and recognizing that you owe yourself a life that feels good to you

Here’s the truth:

You don’t need your mother’s validation to thrive.

You don’t need her to change in order to heal.

You don’t even need her to understand you.

You Are Not Alone

If you recognize yourself in these words, know that you’re not crazy, too sensitive, or selfish. You’re awakening to the truth—and truth is what sets us free.

Your healing is valid. Your grief is sacred. And your future can be different.

Are you ready to do the deep dive necessary to heal the Mother Wound? 

You don’t have to do this on your own. I’ve put together the roadmap, resources and community for the journey.

From now until May 14th, I’m offering 20% off my premier course, Healing the Mother Wound, which has already supported thousands of women worldwide on this exact journey.

This work will not erase the pain of your past. But it will help you integrate it. Transform it. Use it as fuel for growth, clarity, and powerful self-leadership.

The world doesn’t need more good girls. It needs whole women. Sovereign women. Women who know that love without boundaries is not love—and that true goodness requires the courage to protect what is sacred, starting with ourselves.

Are you ready to break the cycle? Then now is the time to start.

Use the code MOTHER20 at checkout to get this 20% discount which ends on May 14th.